Everybody Loves a Parade

So the annual Christmas parade took place here today. Wouldn't you know it, we had to go out shopping for a Christmas tree at the same time. The problem with that is every damn intersection I would normally pass through is ROADBLOCKED! I have to drive through every back street just to get to a non-parade intersection. Every year this happens. I'm putting parades #6 on my pet peeves list. Right behind shopping carts left in parking spaces (#5) and just ahead of jock itch (#7).

So, with that in mind, hear are my top 5 reasons for having a parade (other than being gay):

5. I-Just-Had-My-Semi Annual-Colonoscopy-with-Free-Suppository-Given-To-Me-After-Paying-the-Bill Parade (Grand Marshall: Paul the Angry Polyp)

4. Everybody-Look-At-Me-I-Know-How-To-Wave-And-Smile-While-Calling-You-Losers-Under-My-Breath Parade (with the award for Best Float going to Apathetic Beauty Queens for Whatever Charity You Make Me Sponsor).

3. Tupac-Shakur-Finally-Comes-Out-Of-Hiding Parade (with live cuts from his brand new double album "Fooled All Y'All, Sucka")

2. St Patrick's Day

1. I'm-26-Years-Old-And-I-Just-Had-My-First-Sexual-Experience (with the award for Most Inspirational Float going to I Just Replaced All of My Comic Books with These Robes and Massage Oils)

There you have it. Have a good Monday.