Halloween Spirit '09

Well, those of you who know me, know how much I declare Halloween a non-event holiday. Do I need to go over the reasons why I dislike Halloween? Halloween is dead to me...DEAD!! In sixth grade, I put on a baseball cap, sweatpants and carried a baseball bat. How's that for imagination? So to all of you carrying around your head under your arm, or to the two-person horse costume, or to the New Waterford (hometown) original, the orange DEVCO jumpsuit with the stupid scary old man mask, I dedicate this column to you...you creative jerks!

Here are some costumes that were better left on the Shelf of Never-Ending Stupidity:




1. Ah, the hardcore Star Wars fan. Where would I be without you? This guy forgot to cut out holes for his arms; now how is he going to put his arm around his much hotter date? Oh wait...

Also, that is quite the huge, caved-in nipple he's got there. He better have this guy check it out:





2. This costume is quite confusing to me. You've got the undersized Tigger outfit, coupled with the equally undersized Spiderman underwear. Then you have the oh-so-homoerotic pose. If I were to guess, I would say that this costume represents the inner bouncy child inside every person (Tigger) and the desire everyone has to be the hero (Spiderman)...but I could be wrong and it's just the side effects of smoking crack at the home of Richard Simmons.




3. At first glance, I thought this was the World's Worst Silver Surfer Costume. But it's not. It's the World's Best Disguise to Hide From the Government. Plus he'll be too hot to touch when they finally catch him, and he would just melt the cuffs right off. Good costume, Bobby Brown!





4. OK...I don't have kids of my own, so maybe I don't understand why parents dress their toddlers up for Halloween. The baby doesn't know what's going on. I'm also assuming that the costume makes them very uncomfortable and cranky. So, this leads to my assumption that the parents do it for their own amusement. THINK OF THE CHILDREN! WON'T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?? Or at least explain why you've decided to give this kid nightmares. Look at the eyes!





5. I give this guy 'A' for effort, and 'F' for all the sexual harassment lawsuits he's about to be served. I wonder if there is someone stupid enough to fall for this gimmick. Hmmmm....



Happy Halloween everyone.

Woot!! Guess Who's Back?

Wow, it's been "I don't how long" since I last posted anything on this worthless waste of cyberspace blog. I just lost the itch to commentate on anything. But I'm going to try harder this time, dammit, and I could use some feedback from you people out there. I'll be pimping this blog on Facebook, and if you like it , let me know. If you don't like it, let me know and THEN go to HELL!! Haha, just kidding...sense of humor alert!

So let's see...what is in the news...hmmm...oh, how about this one:

"Ballon Boy" dad, Richard Heene, at a recent photo shoot, allowed his infant son to be shot with a cigar and a beer bottle, and of course, he's taking more heat for that. When asked why he continues to milk his fifteen minutes through his children, he stated, "Look, all I want to do is let Macauley Culkin know that he is not alone in this world."




I heard that the kids are up for roles in the movie "The Hobbit"



Comments are appreciated and encouraged. I don't do this to satisfy myself, you know. Then I would be a crazy person muttering to himself.