Halloween Spirit '09

Well, those of you who know me, know how much I declare Halloween a non-event holiday. Do I need to go over the reasons why I dislike Halloween? Halloween is dead to me...DEAD!! In sixth grade, I put on a baseball cap, sweatpants and carried a baseball bat. How's that for imagination? So to all of you carrying around your head under your arm, or to the two-person horse costume, or to the New Waterford (hometown) original, the orange DEVCO jumpsuit with the stupid scary old man mask, I dedicate this column to you...you creative jerks!

Here are some costumes that were better left on the Shelf of Never-Ending Stupidity:




1. Ah, the hardcore Star Wars fan. Where would I be without you? This guy forgot to cut out holes for his arms; now how is he going to put his arm around his much hotter date? Oh wait...

Also, that is quite the huge, caved-in nipple he's got there. He better have this guy check it out:





2. This costume is quite confusing to me. You've got the undersized Tigger outfit, coupled with the equally undersized Spiderman underwear. Then you have the oh-so-homoerotic pose. If I were to guess, I would say that this costume represents the inner bouncy child inside every person (Tigger) and the desire everyone has to be the hero (Spiderman)...but I could be wrong and it's just the side effects of smoking crack at the home of Richard Simmons.




3. At first glance, I thought this was the World's Worst Silver Surfer Costume. But it's not. It's the World's Best Disguise to Hide From the Government. Plus he'll be too hot to touch when they finally catch him, and he would just melt the cuffs right off. Good costume, Bobby Brown!





4. OK...I don't have kids of my own, so maybe I don't understand why parents dress their toddlers up for Halloween. The baby doesn't know what's going on. I'm also assuming that the costume makes them very uncomfortable and cranky. So, this leads to my assumption that the parents do it for their own amusement. THINK OF THE CHILDREN! WON'T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?? Or at least explain why you've decided to give this kid nightmares. Look at the eyes!





5. I give this guy 'A' for effort, and 'F' for all the sexual harassment lawsuits he's about to be served. I wonder if there is someone stupid enough to fall for this gimmick. Hmmmm....



Happy Halloween everyone.