2012: Doomsday Indeed

Well, 2012 has been released, and as expected, it drew huge box office numbers in it's opening weekend. Whereas I can't tell people what to do with their money, that does not stop me from giving you my opinion of this "film".

People are suckers for movies that have stuff that blows up real good. Those are not my words; those are the words of countless moviegoers worldwide. Unfortunately, if the plot is lacking, or the dialogue sounds like it was written by eighth graders, or the character development comes out on the side of the mountain labelled "NONE", people will see your movie at least on opening weekend just to see buildings crumble and tsunamis hurl battleships into the White House.

I have a tendency to shy away from big budget films for this reason, unless word-of-mouth gets around enough about it's actual quality being favorable. I have not seen Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen or GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra because all I've heard is "a lot of action"; what I haven't heard is "a lot of good dialogue/chacacter development/plot/action". An action film CAN have all of these: for example: Iron Man, The Dark Knight, Hellboy II, and some classics such as Die Hard, Speed. I'm a big fan of all of these films, and they show that you can have a complete film in between scenes of stuff blowing up real good.

If there is ONE person out there who I can actually SAVE from wasting their time and money with 2012, let me suggest an alternative for you this week: go see Paranormal Activity or even the Michael Jackson flick. However, if your woman/man wants to drag you to see The Fourth Kind or Couples Retreat, by all means, go to 2012...maybe a tsunami of common sense will hurl them into the back wall of the theatre.

Whine Flu

So, you have Swine Flu, eh? Or H1N1 in it's medical terms. How do you feel? Do you ache? Do you have a fever? Stuffy, runny nose? Have you been to the doctor? Did they tell you that you have Swine Flu? Are you and your family anxiously awaiting that vaccination that was promised to you?



If it's one thing I can't stand it's how everyone becomes a hypochondriac when the "Disease of the Week" comes out. IT'S REGULAR FLU WITH A NOT-SO-FANCY NAME! You will not die if you get it. Stay home, do NOT go to the emergency room, or fill up the doctor's office because all they will do is send you home with some Tamiflu. Leave the hospitals for the REAL emergencies.

Why are they making vaccines for this stuff? Because people are freakin' paranoid, that's why. The vaccines are probably just sugar and water anyway.

You want to know why all those people in Mexico died from this flu? Because it's MEXICO! You know the saying about Mexican water: "If it's brown, drink it down; if it's black, send it back".

So, let's recap: Swine flu + paranoia x 67,000,000 = regular flu - common sense + 23b (where b = square root of the number of people wearing their ass on their head, which denotes how silly people look running to their doctor for the REGULAR FLU).

There's a Shape of an 'L' on Your Forehead

Here we go again. I don't play politics. I don't give a damn about the environment, or health care, or a war playing out several thousand miles away from my home. I don't care that there's a Democrat in office, or that there was a Republican there for 8 years before that, or a different Democrat in there 8 years before that. I don't care that the President is black, nor do I care for the media that reports that he's still black after a year being elected. I don't care if Fox News is "evil" of even if they are "fair and balanced". They still report on the damn Balloon Boy so that makes them just as bad as CNN and MSNBC.

These are topics that are so argumentative, that they are mundane. People take sides because, in the end, people are judgmental. People believe in their own self-righteousness, that they believe their self-righteousness to be justified, and therefore are qualified to talk on various political subjects. Oh yeah, Smart Guy? Well, why aren't you in the Senate voting in favor of the Health Care bill instead of making videos from your dank, lonely bedroom on a webcam that you bought from your money you made from trading in your Playstation 3 games that you spent 36 freakin' hours trying to beat? Then you post these lame videos on Youtube with nothing but your face, and the backdrop of your dank, lonely bedroom (which, by the way, is still in Mom's house). And you call yourself an expert on the topic? The only expertise I see there, Champ, is Twinkie-grabbing; and that could be an innuendo as well as the actual truth.

Here are topics that we, the common folk, SHOULD be experts on: showers (debatable for some), eating stuff, words that begin with the letter 'F' or 'S', the number of nude scenes in Porky's (never seen it), how many cans can we pull out from the shelf before they all fall down on the floor, fixing a flat, convincing our wives we can fix a flat, convincing our wives the flat is fixed while trying to drown out that sound with the stereo...and let us not forget, putting the seat down.

So, to all you YouTubers who post your own video commentary on subjects that you absolutely are not qualified to handle...your impact on society is the equivalent of a grain of salt landing on the beach. Have fun preaching to an audience of one...your mom!

CJ